faults within my blood
by aquathyst
Summary: Sometimes—just sometimes, I'm afraid all the blood I let out could drown me in and there was no one who is willing to help me out. suicidal!Rin/Len. Noncest;—"He crouched down in front of me, smiling and despite his flushed face and sweaty tousled hair, he still looked cute somehow, "Because Rinnie, I care about you." He looked too sincere that I believed him right away."
1. Chapter 1

**THE PROLOGUE**

* * *

The thing that far worse than being ignored is being bullied and hated. I don't know what I've done wrong in past to deserve all this _unwanted attention _and _special treatments _but as far as I remembered, I never do anything mean to others but you know, I could be wrong. You could be wrong. Anyone can be wrong.

Except oranges.

And god.

Plus teachers because no matter how wrong the teachers were, you should agree with it or else, they will minus your grade. You wouldn't want that to happen, right? Unless you had graduated then this doesn't apply to you. But I haven't graduated and probably will never graduate from high school. I can't survive with the constant bullying and insults and everything. I am tired with all of it.

Sure, I survived middle school despite the bullying but in high school it had gotten much worse. Have you ever imagined being forced by literally all of students in the entire school to make out with the ugliest guy in school? Right. It happened to me. TO MY POOR FRAGILE LIPS!

The kiss was really bad. I was being shoved to this ugliest guy and he was grinning like a madman because he was going to make out with a girl that wasn't that ugly as him and the cheers around me and the ugliest guy was dizzying enough. They were yelling : _KISS! KISS! KISS!_ Over and over.

I'm not sure what happened but suddenly his lips were on my lips and his lips were moving against mine, pressing deeper and deeper roughly. I was remained frozen, unresponding to the kiss with my eyes still wide open. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw someone took a picture of the ugliest guy and me — I refuse to say us. I bet they are going to expose the picture to some social networks so the world could see my first kiss being unfolded in front of the... _world._

Suddenly he licked my lower lip, asking for an entrance and that was when I tore away, with a trail of saliva still connecting me and the ugliest guy. _His saliva_. I thought in disgust and went to the opposite direction of the ugliest guy, shoving past people to get my way to the exit.

Once I was out of the whatever classroom it was, I broke into run. With my blurry peripheral vision, I'm not sure how I managed to get to the ladies bathroom but somehow I was already in the bathroom and was standing in front of the sink with the water running down from the tap, trying hard to get rid of his saliva and taste from my poor lips.

That experience surely changed my opinion of true love kiss the disney taught us.

"Who's in there?" asked an all-too-familiar voice from the other side of the door, bringing me back to the cruel reality that I was sitting on the closed toilet in the dirtiest bathroom stall in the corner of the bathroom with my lunch propped up on my lap.

I held my breathe, motionless with my lunch —a sandwich that I brought from home—midway to my mouth.

"I know you're in _there, _Rin."

I was, pretty much, used to having a lunch at the bathroom. I prefer the janitor room but recently a player who happened to be the hottest guy at school, _likes_ to impregnate his girlfriends in there except his attempt to impregnate his girlfriends didn't work because none of his girls get pregnant.

I don't understand why he wants children at such an early age though. Youngsters nowadays.

"Rin! OPEN THE DOOR!"

In case you haven't recognize me from the subtle hint — I did mention about oranges, didn't I? —I've been implying, I'm Rin Kagamine, a vocaloid and my other half is Len Kagamine, who you will meet soon, but in this story, I'm not Rin Kagamine the Vocaloid but Rin Kagamine the Scrawny-Unlikable-Girl.

When you ask people about a girl named Rin Kagamine, they'd respond like this: "Oh, that good for nothing girl from class A?"

Which is true and sting a little.

"RIN!" the yell was followed with a bang on the door.

The door can collapse and fall onto me if she keep banging on it but thankfully, the bell saved me again for I don't know, a lot of times I guess, and she finally leave me alone with my sandwich but not before yelling, "I'm going to get you, someway or another!" and she usually get her revenge _eventually._

I quickly finished my sandwich and headed to the rooftop since class already started anyway.

* * *

...

* * *

I got home at 3 past something, It doesn't really matter to me. The time will keep going whether I know what time is it or not anyway.

My mum was waiting for me in the living room, surprising enough but the surprise didn't stop there. _Life is full of surprises_ as my aunt had said and I guess in a way, she was right.

The next surprise is: She was not giving me her sad face, the expression she had been giving for past few days. Instead she was smiling goofily. Not the I-got-a-new-boyfriend or My-book-is-now-a-bestseller look but it was a different kind of smile, like she knew something I don't which is probably true.

"Rin, guess what?" she exclaimed excitedly.

"Yeah?" I said idly while setting down my school bag on the couch then I took a bottle of water from the fridge and drank it slowly.

"You're going to Support Group!"

The third surprise : My mum said I'm going to Support Group

I choked on my water and began coughing fiercely. My mum's not helping though. She went on as if she heard nothing.

"You know, Leon suggested me to enrol you in a support group!"

_Damn_ that guy.

I was still coughing, faking it to be precise so after she is done with her nonsense, I can act like I didn't hear a thing with a good excuse that I choked and coughed that her voice didn't reach me even though I did hear every single thing. It's not one of things you can tune out.

"Rin, you will have a lot of fun!"

If interacting with depressed people are called fun.

"You can make friends—"

I doubted with the lack of my social skills.

_BEEP! BEEP!_

I stopped my superficial coughing and looked over at my mum, just at the right time to catch her lips curved up to a mischievous smirk. My whole body grew tense as I sense (that rhyme!) something _fishy._

There was a honk again. It ruined the dramatic effect somehow and everything was just not dramatic anymore.

"Who's that?" I asked warily.

I hope she will answer that it's her boyfriend, Leon or something else that is related to her and not me but my instict told me that it's someone that is related to me because First, the car honked. Leon never do that, he just simply knock on the door and enter without permission. Second, It just seemed wrong for something or someone to appear in the wrong situation like a heated one-way conversation between a mother and a daughter and Third, to proven my assumption, my mum is smirking at me. SMIRKING MISCHIEVOUSLY, may I add.

"He will bring you to the Support Group!" Mum squealed right beside my ear which didn't really answer my question as a pair of hands grab me by my shoulders and I was literally being dragged to the doorstep with me doing almost nothing to prevent it because I was caught off guard.

"Have fun, honey!" with that the door behind me slammed shut and the sound of a key twisting around was heard. Meaning, I couldn't get inside since I don't have a spare key so I walk down the porch with a big spot of water on my chest —I wouldn't say boobs because it's a complete and an utter understatement—displaying my orange coloured bra (Remember, I was drinking water a while ago) under my wet uniform's glory.

There was no backing away now.

THE FOURTH SURPRISE (It occured to me why chinese myth believed that 4 is the most unlucky number) : I'M GOING TO THE SURVIVALS AFTER SUICIDE SUPPORT GROUP. ALRIGHT. I DID TRY TO KILL MYSELF A FEW DAYS AGO. NOW SHUT UP. SO WHAT IF I DID, MY LIFE IS PRETTY MISERABLE OKAY. AND SUPPORT GROUP IS CERTAINLY NOT HELPING.

* * *

**THE INTRODUCTION IS OVER SO NOW YOU GET TO SEE THIS MYSTERIOUS GUY WHICH IS NOT SO MYSTERIOUS ANYMORE**

* * *

So, my first meeting with this not so mysterious guy anymore started like this:

I rammed the window with my knuckles furiously.

The window rolled down, revealing the most hottest guy my eyes ever seen but my eyes refused to share with my brain so I could not tell how hot he is from scale 1 to 10 . If there's anyone to blame, it's my stingy eyes.

Well, anyway, he smirked at me and I thought _This guy is too young and handsome for my mum. _I was ready anytime, to run all the way back to my house and start banging on the door vulgarly to ask my mum's confirmation.

But I figured I can just ask him than wasting my energy so I asked him, "Please don't tell me you're my mum's newest and latest boyfriend because you're way too young." _And attractive _But the latter left unspoken because I just.. forgot is all.

"Actually I am." He said all too solemn, interrupting my thoughts.

And I said, "Oh." My word hung in the air and for what seemed like a long long time. We just kind of stared at each other. Actually I kind of frowned at him while he was smirking. Again. If I didn't know any better, I'd thought he has some kind of weird disorder that cause a smirk to be permanent on his face. "Wait, what?" I brushed aside my too-long-for-my-liking bangs to get a better look of his face. Geez, I think I need a haircut.

He just nodded in a _believe-it-or-not _fashion.

I whirled around immediately without responding to him and was ready to launch myself with a full army in a war between my mum and I. I gritted my teeth in anger as I stomped my way to the front porch. It's not fair. Would she stop changing her boyfriends, like how come she get a boyfriend within a day after a breakup? I thought she was going to settle down with Leon.

I was about to declare and start a warwhen alaugh stopped me from doing it.

"Easy, I was just kidding." Which happened to be so not funny. "I already have a girlfriend which is not your mother." Ok, shit. That was even worst. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. My chance was gone. Poof. Gone. No, I'm not planning to flirt with him, alright? With a physical appearance of a 14-years-old-girl like mine, it's highly impossible to seduce a guy, let alone make a guy turned on.

At least, he isn't married.

"Ok, great." Somehow I don't have the remaining strength to be mad at him for lying to me at our first meeting.

And we fell into a silence.

...

...

...

See the dots above? That was how awkward the silence was.

He finally decided to break the invisible ice between us by saying, "Are you going to get in or what?" he also added, "Sit on the passenger seat, the backseat is reserved for the ghost." Which backfired my plan and I responded with, "Ghosts do not exist, silly."

I walked around the car to get to the other side of the car and opened the door and slid in.

I turned my head in his direction after shutting the door and it turned out that he was staring at me.

He squinted his eyes at me, "I think I know you."

_But I don't know you, If I did I would remember _I replied inwardly but answered otherwise, "Have we met before?"

"No." He said, his brows creasing in consternation, "You're the girl on video who made out with the ugliest guy in Vocaloid High."

I gaped. Inwardly. I mean, I think my heart just gaped and there was a hole in my heart.

Outwardly, I laughed. Bitterly. Because how do you expect me to react? Can I cry, like _now?_

Right here and right now? Is that going to be weird if I cry?

You know what, screw it. I am humiliated enough. Might as well just make a complete fool and _weirdo _out of myself and that he will stay away from me forever and ever and ever because I'm doomed to be forever alone. And I don't have to visit that shitty support group because then there will be no one to drive me there.

God, I'm such a judgemental person. I don't even know how shitty that support group is but I bet that the support group I'm going to is the most shittiest support group in the world since Leon chose and offered it.

Anyway, I was crying while thinking about all these and so I did not realise he was leaning over.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded and swatted his hand away.

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know— I'm just sorry okay? I'm sorry for insulting your boyfriend.. I didn't mean it! Hey, Ri— girl with orange bra, just so you know your uniform is see-through and yeah, nice bra by the way, stop crying? Please? For me?"

Is he dense or what? THAT UGLIEST GUY IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. UGH. But still I managed a smile—a sincere smile —because this guy is just so unbelievable and dense and weird.

Through my blurry vision, I saw a smile slowly forming across his lips and I laughed, a strangled muffled sob-kind of laughter but he laughed along with me while leaning over.

My laugh died down, wondering what exactly he is planning to do and the next thing he does is pretty predictable if my brain hadn't shut down on its own.

He brushed his fingertip across my cheek and wiped my tears away. I could have sworn my heart skips a beat or two but I decided to ignore it. If I get a heart-failure or something, my mum won't force me to go to the support group and I don't have to interact with this guy and make a complete fool out of myself in front of this guy.

"I am very aware of that and he is not my boyfriend." I said, "I have a name by the way. It's Rin. Rin Kagamine." I offered him my hand to shake.

Instead of shaking it like a normal people do, he just observed my hand like it was some sort of weird creature and commented, "Nice nails. I like yellow." And flashed me one of those movie-star smile.

Aren't we supposed to introduce ourselves when a person tell us her or his name? And shakes the person's hand? Or the world has changed?

_Or maybe he just didn't want to touch my hand. _A pessimistic part of me added bitterly.

"I like yellow too." I replied wryly, withdrawing my hand to where it belonged before I held it out for Len but my hand stopped midway and I felt fingers closing around my hand.

"You cut yourself?" he shifted his gaze from my cuts around my wrist and palm to glare directly at me.

"Yeah." Suprisingly my answer came out firm, "It's not a big deal." He was still staring at me, "Really. After all why would I go to support group with no reason?" I added to convince him.

He seemed unconvinced but he let it pass anyway even though there was this thick impenetrable awkwardness in the air. Well, hello this is my hand, not yours.

Then he started the car without saying anything—actually at this point I forgot that he was supposed to drive me there—and pulled out of the street I lived in.

-X-

The support group was located in the deepest part of an alleyway where cats and Ikuto Tsukiyomi lived. It turned out that the support group was a dark alleyway in a disguise of a support group and this guy here, was a delinquent who will beats me to pulp and feed me to his carnivore pet.

Sorry to disappoint you but the paragraph above turned out to be my inner desire narrating.

I'll describe the place more accurately. In front of us was a three-stories building or in other words, the local support group of our town. I didn't expect the support group to be our local one actually but whatever.

I stand on the ground, too afraid to get inside. From what I see, there was a lot of kids milling around. Ponytail—let's just call him that since he had his hair up in ponytail—was beside me, gently holding my wrist to lead me inside. I on the other hand, was too afraid to refuse his help.

"Rinrin, you're afraid of people, aren't you?" he asked. I looked at him to make sure he wasn't making fun of me and there was no hint of mockery showed on his face. Concern, that was what I see but I didn't believe my eyes. He was probably faking it.

I only nodded stiffly.

I'm afraid of strangers—new people, people I don't really know, my seniors, even my neighbors. Practically everyone unless someone that I'm comfortable with and it's very rare to see me getting along with someone.

No, I'm not comfortable with Ponytail. He just happened to be so annoying that I was able to talk coherently—besides my sudden outburst when he mentioned the ugliest guy, yeah. But anyone would cry, right? Or is it just me and my sensitive feeling?

Ponytail took me to a large room with approximately 25-30 people in it—mostly teens, no kid and we made a circle. Ponytail claimed a place next to me, holding my hand and the girl on my right, held my hand too because we were supposed to.

A guy in his late twenties stood in the centre of the circle, speaking something about.. I didn't even bother to listen. He talked about god and love and things like that. He introduced me to the group. We prayed. He kept talking and right in the middle of his speech, Ponytail interlaced his fingers with mine and squeezed my hand.

I dug my nails into his skin.

"Ow, ow, Rinny! I'm sorry. Please stop! I was just giving you an encouragement!" he yelped in a hushed tone as he proceeded to yank his hand back.

"I don't need your encouragement." I stopped since he was pretty much making a scene even though the Guy In His Late Twenties kept blabbering on as if he heard nothing.

Not long after that, the Guy In His Late Twenties mentioned his name, _Dell, _which was probably unimportant to the rest of people and said we can talk with each other or one another so we would be able to interact with people properly.

And as Dell said his last speech— I heard Ponytail saying over Dell's voice:

"My name is Len Kagamine." And he winked suggestively at me before returning his attention to Dell.

His name triggered a memory in the back of my mind but it was gone as fast as it came.

* * *

Of all people in the room, I ended up talking with Ponytail—I mean, Len.

He said _he wanted to get to know me better_.

I said _he has a girlfriend_.

He said _it's okay_.

I said _it's none of his business_.

He said _oh come on_.. in a whiny tone and gave me a poor puppy face.

So I told him a biography of Rin Kagamine in the most boring way I can.

"My name is Rin Kagamine. 16 years old. I cut myself. I'm depressed. I'm forever alone. The end."

"Okay." Len drawled slowly, his eyes looked distant, "What school do you attend to?"

"Vocaloid High."

"Mine's Crypton High."

"I didn't ask."

"Thought you'd like to know."

"No, I'm not." I said with a straight face because I don't care, he'll disappear like people mostly do when they get to know me. I'm boring is why. Nobody wants to hang out with boring people. Not even me but I guess I have no choice since I'm stuck in my body of _boringness_ forever.

There were at least 3 people who avoid me after being um.. _acquaintances_ with them.

I'd said _hi _or something to them, since I thought we were frien-_acquaintances_ and they suddenly just brushed me off with no reason. I think their names were Gumi, Gakupo and Miki or something like that. Actually, I'm sure those were their names.

Len will probably be one of them so I don't get my hopes up, rather I've given up upon seeing him in the street.

"Look," I spoke up, "Why don't you go talk with some depressed pretty girl? You're good-looking—" Uh crap and the rest came out incoherent and jumbled, "I mean, it's not.. I—crap."

He smirked, "Can't, I'm taken." He was practically saying that I am ugly which is factually true and offending, "And I'm good-looking, huh?" he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I hid my pink face in my palms, "Can you just leave me alone? I know I'm ugly and all and there's no way you'd like me in a way a guy likes a girl but you're practically cheating on your girlfriend and to answer your question, you're not good-looking. My tongue slipped." I peeked a look at him through my fingers and saw him chuckling, "Oh shut up." I snapped when he didn't stop his chuckle.

I heard some shuffling and shifting and then a pair of hands removed my hands from my face, he was so close to me that I almost blush, "I can't leave you alone, Rinny. Your mum assigned me to protect you from any harm." The only harm is you, honestly. "And I'd break up with my girfriend to date you." He stared deep into me and even though this is really really cliche—brace yourself and prepare a paper bag so you could puke all over it because Rin Kagamine is going to say something so out of character—I'm going to say it since I felt it happened.

Okay, look yeah, don't laugh.

My heart skipped a beat.

Like those romance novels wherein the girl falls in love with a hot nice guy. Like my mother's novels.

Probably by now my face had turned unearthly red. I have to remind myself that he has a girlfriend and I wouldn't want to get on his girlfriend's bad sides.

"Is that a confession?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders to indicate _maybe_ and then I don't know if it's true or not but the last time I checked, my eyesight is fine and if it was still fine, Len was blushing right now. He really did. Well, there were pinkish shades across his face and he averted his eyes to..

I followed his gaze and—

"Um.. Rin.."

.. Apparently there was a depressed but pretty girl in the corner of the room.

Nice.

Here it goes.

"I really need to go to the bathroom." _And hang out with the girl. _He probably wanted to say that; either he wanted to go to bathroom for real or use the excuse to simply get away from me like those people aka Gumi, Miki and Gakupo.

I nodded, "Go ahead." And then he got up and then leave.

He went inside the boys bathroom and I tried not to feel awkward in this room.

I failed. My palms were sweating and I pretended to be busy by looking out the window. There were clouds and ants and sun and the air and—why did Len take so long? Is he PMSing or something? Or perhaps he was hooking up with the depressed but pretty girl.

I glanced at her. She was still there, sitting on a stool, staring blankly at nothing.

"Rinny." A voice said from behind me. I turned around and saw _Lenny—_Ugh, why the hell am I calling him names?—Len with normal skin color, smiling cheekily. It's one of those smiles which girls found it cute except me and it's weird for me to know those kind of things when I never associate with any girls more than an hour except my mother .

Before I could stop myself, my words were already out. "I thought you want to hook up with that girl in the bathroom or something."

He shook his head in amusement, "No, why would I do that?"

"Because she is pretty?" I suggested.

He glanced at the girl, "Yeah, sure she is." He returned his gaze to me, "But prettiness is not the only factor what boys see in girls. They look at the girls' bodies too and well.. to put it nicely, her figure isn't that attractive."

Mine's worse that that girl.

"Len, that's still not nice."

* * *

_a/n : Len is kind of interested in Rin. Actually it's his— never mind.  
And I need to tell you that Len did not go to boys bathroom just to stare at the depressed girl, he just wanted to get rid of his blush. Lol_

_suicidal story is supposed to be depressing but nah. It's a mix of humor and depressing stuff. I don't want Rin to be too self-centred. _

_Do you realise something is missing in the story? _

_The depressing stuff will come later but I'm not that good at making a depressing fic. Please bear with me and english is not my primary language. Please point out the mistakes if you find any. Thank you._


	2. Chapter 2

_**3.227.889 views**_

_**11256 likes**_

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_Comment_

_**Rei Kagene  
**__I can't believe she did that._

_**Utatane Piko  
**__Look at her face lol_

—what.. I can't I even what—what the heck is this?!

I scrolled down for more comments with an unknown emotion bubbling in me.

Oh god, I am famous.

.

(In a bad way)

* * *

.

.

**CHAPTER 2 – am i famous or what**

* * *

I never thought it would be that bad. I understand if it's a picture but video? Like seriously? Isn't that a bit too much?

But as usual, they have no mercy to me especially that _particular_ girl.

So okay, you probably don't understand and thus, I'll explain what is happening right now.

I am currently watching a video on Vocatube called _The Ugliest guy In Voca High making out with the most ugliest girl _by _Tei-chanXD_. So unoriginal. And I don't know, am I that ugly? I guess. There's no denying that. I am very ugly, maybe in near future I will copulate with this ugliest guy and create a lot of ugly kids and commit suicide together because we have a _lot in common_.

I meant it in sarcastic way by the way.

I want to cry and dig a hole and hide forever but still living because I'm kind of afraid of what'll happen next you know, future is unpredictable. It sounds stupid from a girl who tried to commit suicide a few days ago.

But I don't see why I must live in this world—I'm not someone important like Albert Einstein or some genius scientist and therefore nobody will grieve my death, well, probably my mum will but she will move on.

It's funny how _live_ and l_eave_ sound practically the same. In different circumstance—like, if I'm speaking—people would assume I'm talking about both of the words.

Len kind of freaked out when I said I want to die, he had this funny look on his face and hit the brake with his foot before turning to face me, "No, Rinny. You don't know much you mean to me. It's—I'm lucky to meet you before you end your life and please don't try that again." And then he continued driving to my house without talking to me, he seemed mad though I don't really understand—probably he was saying that out of manners.

It was three hours ago, now it's 8 PM.

And I'm watching this stupid video—a flashback of what happened to me on that stupid day where I lost my lips virginity to the ugliest guy came flooding back in my head.

And I feel miserable.

I extended my body as far as possible to reach my drawer and pulled it open to take my pocket knife.

I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate everything.

—+—+—

Waking up early in the morning might be the hardest thing I have to do in my daily life since waking up equal more torture from the students at school and myself plus another wasted day plus another wanting to die thoughts.

I woke up to mum's voice, singing a _mary had a little lamb _which sucks because she is doing this whole disney thing—twirling and dancing in a room with a cheerful mood.

"Honey, I made you an orange soup!"

Great, another nightmare taste, I'm sorry tongue but you have to endure this. I hate making mum feels bad because I've been causing a lot of troubles to her and her life is.. um.. shitty for having a suicidal daughter and a horrible ex-husband who cheated on her behind her back.

But come to think of it, probably the reason why ex-dad divorced with mum is because her cooking is bad.

I grumbled under my breathe as I turned to the opposite direction of mum's annoying _mary had a little lamb little lamb _voice which was a window. The sun morning rays hit me in the face. What a horrible morning, "Okay, I don't care about Mary and her stupid lamb. Now get out."

My mum stopped singing—finally—and said, "I'll be waiting for you downstairs." And then the soft sound of a door closing was heard.

I quickly untangle myself from my duvet and trudged my way to the bathroom.

—+—+—

Don't get me wrong. I love oranges and all but mum's cooking was so bad I immediately had the urge to gag after one spoon of this orange liquid.

"How's it?" asked mum across my seat.

I lied, "Good."

She frowned, "You don't have to lie you know."

"No, seriously. It's good." I forced out a smile.

"Really?" she studied my expression intently with creased brows while I was chanting _mother has a sixth sense mother has a sixth sense no no no just be honest _mentally.

"Yes, It'really good! I could literally eat the whole pot of this soup!" and I don't understand why I must overdo the act. Oh god, she is going to feed me this soup everyday. Stupid me. _You really are stupid_. My other conscience answered. You see, I'm too lonely that I have two consciences but we all know it's a made-up, fake and unreal.

Mum smiled, "Good then. How is the support group?"

I mulled over the answer. It would be _bad _but then I reconsidered to answer _Good _since it's not that bad, "Good." I answered with a shrug.

Mum abandoned her spoon and looked at me in the eye while I avoided her stare by looking down at my orange soup, "Rin, you can always tell me if you had a problem."

"I know. I don't have any right now." I scooped up my spoon and brought it to my lips.

"If you say so." And she gave me this sad face which I hated the most. "Sooo," she dragged out the syllable while waggling her eyebrows, "He is such a nice boy, isn't he?"

It took me a second to realise that he was talking about _Len_. I felt my face heating up as the yesterday event played in my head. _And I'd break up with my girlfriend to date you. _Ha. He is such a player. As if he'd want to date me.

"Player? I think he is nice and plus he only has one girlfriend." Mum responded flatly while she picked up the orange slice.

I just said that out loud. Shoot.

"I'm done." I set my spoon next to the bowl and stand up. I quickly grabbed my bag and head out without waiting for her to respond.

From the porch my ears still catch some phrases—"Have a ..- day!"—no no no it's not going to be a nice day. It's going to be one of those days with someone getting hurt and hanging out in bathroom thing.

You know, the only one who has been really really nice to me and I _mean really_ nice is bathroom. She is like, my soulmate. My Safe Haven.

Mum is nice too; she is my mum after all and every mum is supposed to be nice but she forced me to go to this crappy school where I get bullied almost everyday so she is not that nice. I don't even know how is she putting up with all my morbid attitudes. She probably hates me inwardly, like deep deep down inside. It's totally understandable, even I can't put up with myself.

And there was Len. He was everygirl's dream boy for sure but I kind of lost interest in finding my true-love stuff. I guess the reality has dawned on me that true-love is not real like the rest of us believe.

As if a girl liked me would have a love story.

I have another friend too. She is nice too. Too nice even to me. And she has exotic teal-coloured hair, she was in her mid-twenties and usually, I'd talk to her about my problems. I'd quote it directly here from this book I read the other day, _Insurgent_—_Like a wild animal, the truth is too powerful to remain caged_—I couldn't keep my mouth shut forever about what happened at school and I trust her so yeah. I'll tell you more later about her.

I walked down the street and perhaps lingered too long on the pavement, thinking how much I wished it was weekends and such so I could dwell in my miseries and my pool of blood—even though I cut myself many times, the blood is never gone. It's there in my body, every part of it. It never ceases to amaze me.

Finally, somehow, I arrived at the front of school's gates. It's Hell, I tell you. And I wanted to hide my body under the dirt and remain there for eternity rather than facing the wrath of Tei Sukone and her cliques but that is so cowardly of me.

Whatever. I'll survive.

I mean, I survive everyday right? I don't know about my heart though. Keep your breaking pieces together—It's breaking but not broken yet.

I'd state the fact that the thing that hurts the most when we get hurt mentally is heart, though I don't understand how a heart could make the pain feels real, It's just an organ that pumps blood you know.

And probably you'll think I'm weird or something but I like to believe that blood is heart's tears and I'm afraid if I hold back, I'd explode—figuratively. That perhaps wouldn't make sense to you but that's one of the reasons I do self-harm.

I stepped into the gate and the regular view of students came into view. Thank god Tei hasn't come yet. If you haven't guessed, the one who banged on the bathroom's door yesterday was _her_.

Somewhere in the far distance, I heard the bell screeching and all of the students hurried to their own classrooms, some to somewhere—skipping classes. I stand still in the crowd of students. Even if I come late to the class, teacher will forgive me. They all pitied me.

My life is a pity itself.

* * *

If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be _pathetic. _

School was over. I survive yet another day—It's too fast to say that honestly. Tei hasn't bothered—_tormented_—me. Yet. She got this heavenly look all day and I overheard she said something along the lines of _My boyfriend and I watched Hues of Love__1 __yesterday at 6 _when I passed them on the way to my Safe Bathroom.

Oh ew. I don't know boys like chickflicks.

And in my opinion both Hues of Love the movie and the book suck. The author is a single-parent who had an unhappy marriage and she still can go around, writing something like _"Ann, I love you. I had and always have ever since I saw you that day—" _Crap crap crap _"in my closet and i'll sum up every wonderful things about you in five words" _that was more that five words you liar, _"Will you marry me, My sweet Ann?" _I need my Safe Haven Toilet to puke. By the way Ann said, _" Absolutely yes! I have been waiting for eternity—"_ Seriously. _"for you to propose, Oliver!"_ and then they eat each other faces like no tomorrow. The end.

Have you guessed who is the author? My _mum_. She needs to get a _life_. I don't even know how that book became bestseller. Thankfully, no one knows my mum is the author of that book—she used pseudonym. And you might want to know her pseudonym—_Lola Shion._

Anyway, moving back, I called myself Pathetic and you are about to find out why.

I saw Len near the gate when I got out of the hell school. And the first thing that crossed my mind was _that stupid Lenny's been waiting for me. _As if he'd do that. The illusion that Len is kind of _kind_ to me has blinded me. I took two steps forward and then I realise he was talking with someone.

Tad_aa_**!** Surprise, he was talking with Tei.

And the next thing Tei did shocked me. She cupped his face in her hands and jammed his lips with hers.

Of course. I've never felf more stupid as I pieced everything back together _"My boyfriend and I watched Hues of Love at six"_, Len dropped me off at 5 PM, _"Can't I'm taken."_ He'd said. And the last; the words were still reeling in my head. _"And I'd break up with my girlfriend to date you." _Bullshit. He wouldn't give up his current girlfriend to date me. Of course he wouldn't, why would he? He is just being nice. The warm feeling inside my chest evaporated. And any thoughts of Len's kindness left me, replaced by the word _liar_.

(and something that oddly feels like betrayal).

Tei is his girlfriend.

I am so ashamed to think that he was waiting for me.

Weirdly enough, I was still walking forward like I didn't see anything. When I took a step forward though, I accidentally scanned the flock of students in order to be one of those invisible creatures and my eyes met both of theirs.

Damn. I don't even know why they're kissing with eyes open.

If Len recognized me and even go to the extent of greeting me, I'd die tomorrow in Tei's hands or if I'm lucky, it might be today.

Tei smirked maliciously at me against Len's lips before leaning further but Len pulled away with a panic face. I was hundred times more panic than him. What if he say hi to me in front of Tei? I will go straight down to the real hell.

I backed away _slowly_ slowly _slowly_ like Len is some wild animal and then ran all the way back to my Second Safe Haven.

Next Destination : Former Hideout; Janitor Room.

;+-;+-;+;-+;-+

I turned the doorknob noisily so if the player happened to be doing his thing with his current girlfriend inside, they can get dressed or whatever.

This is a pretty risky thing to do but I had no other choice.

Bathroom is not an option since the cheerleaders girls were applying make-ups and stuff on their faces. It's a club time you see. The only available room was Janitor Room—If I'm lucky enough.

And no. Bad luck won.

I bit my bottom lip in shame as I saw the player trailing kisses along this bluenette—the class president. And they were too busy sighing passionately apparently that they failed to hear the door creaking.

I thought about slamming the door shut and escape to anywhere that is not here before any of them notice me staring with my mouth agape. I was like, _wow_. _He is too desperate to have kids_.

However it was too late to turn back and run because he suddenly stopped his _productive_ activity and the girl asked with raspy voice, _"why did you stop." _And the player—If I'm not mistaken, his name is uh.. Liu?—whispered, "intruder." And I started to act all defensive, "Hey, you don't own this place."

The girl opened her eyes in a flash, glowering at me with distaste. Liu extricated himself from her and leaned down to whisper something in her ear. I could catch a word or two, _later _he'd said. She nodded and started to leave but not before giving me a side way-glare on her way out.

I shuddered, thinking a lot of things she could do to me as a revenge.

"Uh—um.. I'm sorry?" finally my mouth recovered from the shock of seeing them, "It won't happen again.. I swear and uh.. bye?" I held the doorknob and was ready to close the door when he pulled me in by my hand and slammed my back against the door once I was in.

"Rin Kagamine, right?" Yes, yes. You're right. I'm so famous and I seriously thought about flipping my hair in his face but then I remembered that my hair is sort of short.

I just nodded since I couldn't speak at the moment.

"Do you know who I am?"

Yes, obviously. Everyone knows you, "Liu?"

He shook his head as he pressed my arms into the wooden door above my head.

"Um.. then what?" since I have no freaking idea—nor do I care—what is his name. It's not important either.

He bended his head over to the crook of my neck since I'm so much more shorter than him and for a split second, I thought he is going to violate my lips against my own will, but thankfully he did not.

However he was breathing down my neck and it bothered me because it tickles and I had to restrain my laugh from exploding right there and then. And then he murmured in my ear huskily, "Lui. Make sure you remember that." he recoiled, releasing his grip on me and limped to the corner of the room.

"Um.." I stood, unsure of what to do.

"Are you curious as to why I didn't do _things_ to you?"

No, not really. The answer is probably going to be either, 'I don't want my kid to have a mother like you.' Or 'you're a turn-off.'

"Things like what?!" I snapped at him.

He rose a brow with a defiant look, "You want me to demonstrate it to you?"

I shook my head quickly.

"Well, I didn't because you're the lamest girl in this whole school though I personally think you're pretty—" I felt my cheeks started to get hot since no one ever told me that I'm pretty, "..cute."

Apparently I'm cute. Not pretty. In his opinion. Cute and pretty are different, I don't even know why I care. I guess since it's been awhile someone has compliment me.

"Thanks I suppose," I said halfheartedly.

"You should be," he staggered to his feet and that's when I realise his leg is injured and I probably should offer him a help but I don't bother, what would I gain by helping him? Death glares from his fangirls and continuous harassment.

"I should get going. It's pretty late." He said to avoid awkward silence most likely and went out of the janitor room before I could reply.

Finally I have Janitor room all for myself.

I sauntered to the corner of the room and did homeworks teacher assigned us to do and there was nothing left to do other than thinking about generally anything. I didn't bring my phone. I used to but ever since that incident, i never bring it with me to school anymore.

From the small window, I could see the sun is setting and the school gate is already closed but I remained calm since I have a secret exit through the back door. Not many people know about that.

Perhaps I'll go home at 6 or something. I value my alone time, you see. It's quite and silent. Not the awkward one but the comfortable one and often a presence within silence cause awkwardness, in my case.

I widened my eyes in horror when a sound disturb the silence I'm having; the sound of doorknob turning. I held my breathe, waiting in fear for the door to open fully to reveal the intruder.

Len stood in the doorway with menacing expression—a mixture between anger and worry, eyebrows creased, leaning against the doorframe. He was sweating profusely and his face was flushed in unnatural way.

He glared at me, "I'm taking you home."

I was too surprised to say anything. Shouldn't he be with his _lovely_ girlfriend?

"Now." He added with unnecessary emphasize.

"Aren't you supposed to be with your girlfriend or something?" I gave him a suspicious look once I get my voice back.

"She went home." Was Len only answer.

"What are you doing here?"

"To take you home, idiot." He walked over to the corner of the room and flicked my head with his fingers.

There was one question in my head though, "Why?" _would he do that for me._

He crouched down in front of me, smiling and despite his flushed face and sweaty tousled hair, he still looked cute somehow, "Because Rinnie, I care about you." He looked too sincere that I believed him right away.

And that's why I can't exactly hate him.

* * *

The worst thing that possibly could happen right now is trapped with Len in the school, together which would suck if it happens for real and it is bound to happen soon.

The secret back door is locked.

I tried for a few times before giving up completely, "Len, um, there's a problem." _A huge gigantic problem_. My voice seems so unfamiliar and timid.

"Hn?" he looks up to me from staring ahead at nothing.

And my tone dropped to the lowest tone possible, "the door is locked." With a face that possibly show, _we're in a deep terrible shit_.

He seems to get signal even though my voice is very low, I myself almost couldn't hear it, "Oh."

"What should we do?" I said frantically because staying the night in school with Len look really unpromising, with Len being Tei's girlfriend and all.

"Um, wait until the sun rise?" he suggested with eyebrows raised, amused expression written all over his face. He didn't look panic, at all.

"You are supposed to be scared." Narrowing my eyes into glare, I plopped down on my spot without breaking eye contact with him.

"I'm okay with it," He began scooting closer to me with this face that totally screams RAPIST.

"And I'm not." I said as I backed away from him until I hit my back against the secret door.

"So we're staying here for a night?" Len smirked at me, scooting closer and closer.

"No, we're going to figure something out." I answered, kicking the air to prevent him from getting any closer. Does he do this with any girl? Is he okay with cheating behind his girlfriend's back? Because if I'm his girlfriend, It's not okay with me.

Er, not that I want to.

"Don't get near me or I'll tell you girlfriend." I threatened him, hoping that would stop him.

He scoffed, not believing me. I guess it's not convincing enough.

"You wouldn't dare."

Of course not. Tei will kill me if she found out and the truth about his words make me speechless.

He must have sensed my uneasiness since he turned to different direction and settled himself next to me, "I don't mind spending the night with you, you know. It would be fun and watching the sunrise together sounds awfully romantic."

"Are you always like this?" I blurted out without thinking, "Flirting with any girls you meet?"

He tilted his head to look at me directly in the eye. I stared back indifferently.

"I—no." He stated, hesitant at first but firm eventually, "You're not just any girl and cheating on my girlfriend sounds like a trivial matter if I could be with you."

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about his words but something bubbled up inside me, forcing to get its way up and I had to look away to hide my smile.

I think he did see my smile though. Please just pretend it's not there.

I coughed to conceal my embarrassment, "You're saying that to every girl you meet."

Len chuckled quietly, "No, I didn't."

"How about Tei?" I asked absentmindedly and instantly regret it.

"Just you know, make out. Hug, stupid couple stuff. We're dating after all." He lifted his shoulders beside me, causing our shoulders to bump against each other but frankly, it felt more like a brush.

I was about to ask why me, of all people but he changed the topic before I could extend the current subject, "So what's your plan to get out of this place?"

I tucked my knees up to my chest, feeling a little grateful for having Len as a company instead of getting locked up in the school alone although I don't really like him that much since he committed adultery all the time involving me, "I don't know." I whispered.

"So we're back to plan A then? Wait until the morning?" I can hear the smile in his voice and I'm not letting him win that easy, who knows what could happen in one night with someone like Len? He might take advantage of me.

"No," I replied after a minute of contemplation, "We're going to climb the fence."

* * *

**a/n **well this chapter isn't that good. So they're trapped in the school. And I'm sorry i make the kissing scene between len and tei, it's just, they're dating. And Tei started it so yeah.

Sorry for the late update, the internet—mainly wifi in my country kind of ban FFN, I was really mad when I found out; HOW COULD THEY. THAT IS SO MEAN THING TO DO! ARGHHH I DON'T CARE ABOUT PORN WEBS THEY PROHIBIT BUT BANNING FFN IS TOO MUCH. I AM SO MADDDDDD! Thankfully I figured it out.

I'm sorry about the jointed words in chapter one too.

Hues of Love is something I made up. Very lame, I know but It was meant to be.

Um, thanks for the favorites, follows and reviews. Thank you very much;; You don't know how much it meant to me!

and one last question do you prefer len and rin staying the night at school or not?


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